Thursday, 21 January 2016

People Are Not Poetry.


{People are not poetry by Erin Hanson- See more work here}

I've always found writing cathartic. What sometimes comes out, however, can often be more of a ramble. This may be one of those times. Bare with me.

I'm a people pleaser, always putting another ahead of myself. It's been that way for as long as I remember; maybe through life experience more than a conscious choice. Until now, I've mentally struggled with doing so, not so much physically. Almost two weeks ago now, after a day that it's not too appropriate to go into detail about now. My body caught up. An ambulance was sent by order of a late night doctor (or maybe I should mention, the last of the nine doctors I ended up speaking with that evening) and it's put a lot into perspective.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen over the festive season, I shared the poem above. It resonated with me at the time as someone who always tries to fit into every box: loving fiancee, great daughter, a young professional and even a caring friend. It wasn't until over the last week, when I've sat under a blanket thinking a lot about who I am, what I want and how to make it happen, that this poem filled my mind time and time again.

People are not poetry. We don't always fit perfectly into every box, shape, expectation that is wanted from us and from others. For the first time, I feel like that's ok. When I was signed off work, the word 'failure' stuck to me like the glue of my own mind and I've struggled to get it un-stuck. I probably judge myself harsher than I should, but I'm trying to learn that my expectations aren't realistic or even healthy. I'm an awkward person, my hair might not always (read ever) sit neatly, I cancel plans that I want to keep because my health, physical or mental, can stand in my way. Instead of berating myself over it quite so much, I'm trying to treat myself with a little more respect and compassion than I have in the past.

I have so much to look forward to this year and it's about time I dedicated some time and more importantly, love to myself.

As always, would love to hear back from anyone who's similarly a busy-body, a worrier, awkward or judgemental of themselves.

Over & Out,
Sophie.